Reality Check

Let’s be completely honest. These posts have made this 3 month adventure look pretty enticing…and it has been exceptional. But here’s a dose of reality. It’s hard “living” in a foreign country and I’m tired.

I’m tired of feeling anxious every time I drive somewhere. I NEVER know where I am going, my stomach muscles are always tight on every trip. Driving on the opposite of the road AND car is a mental work out each and every trip. No relaxing, enjoyable Sunday drives. The older I get, the more exhausting it gets. Knowing what is coming up around the next corner is not a bad thing after all. I will savor it when I get home.

I’m tired of feeling guilty if I want to just sit on the couch and watch tv. I keep thinking about how I should be going somewhere…I should be seeing new things. I feel guilt about wasting time and not making the most of this opportunity. I long to sit in my recliner ALL DAY and binge watch a murder-mystery series.

My feet hurt. No shoe is comfortable walking on cobblestones. No insight here, just a complaint.

I also long to be in a country who can cope with a heatwave via air conditioning. (I know, spoiled-whiney American…whatever…) In the southeast corner of England, since June, temperatures have reached or exceeded record highs daily. I have purchased 7– S-E-V-E-N–fans. They help….a little. Having MS, the heat is doing me in. The cold, wet English weather is a HOAX. Fake news.

The realization that my son is not as excited that I’m here spending time with him as I was, is also a tough one to swallow. Although I have been told by experienced mothers of grown boys not to expect it, I really thought our time together would be just as it was when he was younger…but it’s not. They were right. My fear that he will not return home is becoming a reality. I wish, for totally selfish reasons, that I never pushed the European university idea…but I did and he seems to be happy. I KNOW it wouldn’t be any different if he had gone to college in the states, BUT it would have been in the states. In my mind, that seems like it would have been better…I know my wiser, experienced mother-friends would tell me it wouldn’t make a difference. When they fly away, they fly away. I raised him to be a free thinker, I am proud and happy that he is.

I turn 51 next week and I have booked 3 days for me and my son in Brussels. (He did say he wanted to go…I didn’t force him). We will travel via Eurostar and I have rented a house in the European District. This will be the last hoorah before I come home. On Monday, I will help my son move into the apartment he will be living in for the upcoming school year and then we leave on Tuesday morning for Brussels…I hope I have the energy to enjoy it. I think I’m going to feel 51.

I am ready to go home. My wonderlust has been cured. For now.

4 thoughts on “Reality Check

  1. Heather Inkpen says:

    This sounds a little sad 😦
    Wish I was turning 51 again…..I’ll be 60 before the end of the month 😦 😦 😦
    You want to come and have a cup of tea / glass of wine / whatever with me (and probably my daughter) in my garden before you go back to the States? You choose a date/time and hopefully it’ll be ok with me.
    XX

    Liked by 1 person

    • mybelle867 says:

      I would love to! Monday will be busy moving to the new apartment. Leave Tuesday and return on Monday from Brussels. Perhaps next weekend? I leave on Tuesday the 14th for good.

      Like

  2. missp2 says:

    Ah Mechele ..the wisdom of realizations doesn’t make the pain of feeling then any different or less….sadly . Yep they grow up and a new type of relationship forms, indeed “ the old has passed away.”

    With regard to your travels I lift my hat to you . After our tripsings this year I realized 12 days was my MAX . I missed sleeping in my OWN bed, lying on my OWN couch and didn’t want to see one more church, ruin… NOTHING.. I just wanted to be .

    As I grow more frequent in saying ..” It’s great to travel but the best part is coming home.”Lotsa Love ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • mybelle867 says:

      Oh Wendy, you are so right. It was too long. Yesterday I saw a church in a little town on the way to get some things for Drew’s new apartment. When I pointed it out, Drew said, “it’s just like the church in very other little town.” I guess the magic is over.

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